I first heard Vanessa on ArmChair expert and I was really curious to see what else she had to offer. I listened to Pillowtalks and was hooked! The dialogue, communication and honesty between Vanessa and Xander has really inspired and improved my relationship with my husband during a particularly difficult year. Thank you both so much for your content and all the work you do. You often help me get a good laugh in on my commute to work and I look forward to listening to your content every week.

I started listening to this podcast a few weeks ago and found them super helpful! After an interesting proposition at an event, I found myself spiraling with no one to talk to as I was processing. Cue - Searching the Pillow Talks archive. Thank you so much for talking so openly about such a variety of sexual topics! This podcast gives me tools to talk with my partner more openly and helps me feel less isolated in my thoughts and experiences.

From the start of our relationship, things were rocky… We were both virgins till marriage, so didn’t know anything about each others sex drive before..: And while it was a conversation prior to marriage.. we didn’t even know what we were into until trying. Your podcast and book is why we are still here, and continue to have hope. Thank you for all you do

I reached out to a FB moms group anonymously asking for help in the bedroom. After 18 years of marriage and our second child born last year.. it was bleak. Many recommended sexy underwear, more date nights but one fabulous woman said to follow Vanessa and Xander on Instagram. After dipping my toes in on instagram, to now signing up for multiple classes and finally bingeing all of your episodes - you’ve rocked my whole world! The treasure trove of knowledge both physically and mentally helped this mama (age 35) have her first orgasm and now I am feeling 15 years younger. Currently working on orgasming with my partner and have full confidence that we will be successful and even more synced together. THANK YOUx a million.

I love this podcast. Vanessa and Xander are so insightful and fun to listen to. I have learned so much about an important but often taboo and misunderstood subject. It has not only changed my relationship with my body but has normalized having these conversations. This is the Sex Ed class we all needed in high school. Thank you both!

I look forward to the new episode every week. These two are hilarious, helpful and relatable. Start listening!

A friend recommended this podcast to me. I jumped to the episode he recommended and was very intrigued. I went back to the first real episode (talking about sex) and the second (how to navigate unsolvable conflicts). I was FLOORED with how good they are at giving examples and how to apologize when you feel you’ve done NOTHING wrong.

I’ve learned so much from Vanessa and Xander! I feel More confident and prepared not only as an adult but as a parent and how to navigate a shame free discussion with my kiddos!

I stumbled across this podcast looking for something new. My husband is deployed and I wanted something to keep me company on walks. Vanessa and Xander are so personable and refreshingly honest. They answer questions I didn’t know I had. Can’t recommend this podcast enough. It’s like hearing advice from a wise, older friend.

I grew up in a pretty religious home, in a very conservative country, and definitely was not raised to have a healthy attitude about sex. In fact, it’s a subject we never ever talked about in the home. And in the particular country that I grew up in, there was no such thing as sex ed. Everything that was learned was through friends or the media. Being introduced to this podcast has been such an eye opener because it gives me a place to learn about normalized sex topics. I feel I have an healthier perspective towards sex, and letting go of the shame, secrecy, guilt, surrounding sex has become much easier. I wish the perspective that they share on this podcast can be more readily normalized, and it would definitely lead people to live happier lives. Thanks folks!

Heard V+X on a different podcast and have been listening ever since. The advice is so practical and fun to listen to. I used to listen on my headphones while putting my baby to bed but had to stop because I’d laugh out loud regularly and wake the baby… Certainly recommend for anyone who wants to enhance their relationship in an enjoyable way!

It’s wild how much time is spent selling on this podcast! I’m 30 minutes in & I have literally listened to 4-5 ads already, each a few minutes long. I had to pause the episode to come write this review because I was so annoyed.

Xander and Vanessa cover a variety of topics with humor and honesty, answering all the questions we’ve all wondered, but didn’t dare to ask (or Google!). Their book and courses are amazing as well. Thanks so much for all you do!

Great show. Practical advice you can use the same day!

This is the only podcast I listen to weekly! I love the back and forth banter between Vanessa and Xander. It’s refreshing to get both a male and female perspective on segs and relationships. Listening to this podcast has helped my husband and myself understand one on other on a deeper level and has helped us talk about topics that we normally would avoid. Thank you so much!

I am so thankful for Vanessa end Xander !!!! The work and vulnerability to provide us all with helpful info , tips , tricks is SO appreciated. This pod allows me to feel empowered and has initiated some great convos with my husband. We listen everytime we’re kid free in the car together! Congrats Xander on no more lisp LOL

I'm not an apple user but I went through the pain of getting iTunes just so I could leave this review because the podcast is just that great. I first was introduce to Vanessa & Xander through their book: Sex Talks. I enjoyed the book so much that I went looking for other resources from them and started binging this podcast. Interestingly enough, the book and this podcast I would say is not so much about sex than it is about relationships. It's helped me to understand that you need to have a good healthy relationship that includes discussions about sex before you can improve the physical act of sex. Even though I've listened to all the episodes, there are special ones that I know I'll listen to over again when I need a refresher on specific topics. I'm greateful for all the effort they put in to producing this podcast and I hope they'll forever continue doing so. After reading the book and listening to the podcast I feel as if I know like a pair of good friends and if it was under normal situations I totally could see being friends with them in real life.

6 months ago my therapist recommended I listen to a few of your podcast episodes. I was in a place where sex felt like a job to do because of my history of sexual abuse, background growing up in purity culture, and also being the more responsive sex type. After listening to your podcast for months, I can say I now feel like me and my partner have a fun, connecting, and satisfying sex life. I NEVER would have thought that was possible for me. You taught me that I could say no if I didn’t want sex, which then allowed me to actually want and enjoy the sex we did have. It sounds so simple, but I truly don’t think we would have made it here without your podcast. We are also now in a place of trying to get pregnant, and we are so thankful that now sex feels so much less complicated while we are in this process. Thank you Vanessa and Xander from the bottom of my heart ❤️

I have been following along with Vanessa and Xander for years. To be honest, I feel a little guilty that I have not written a podcast review until now, so here it is! Vanessa and Xander are incredible. Vanessa has this wonderful, warm, disarming way of talking about topics that can be very challenging for couples, and humans in general. It has been so fun to watch the podcast grow, with the addition of Xander. Xander, you rock! I feel like you don’t give yourself enough credit. I literally tell my friends that if you are human who likes other humans (regardless of sex, gender, relationship status) you should listen to this podcast. The topics of their podcast truly stretch stretch the gambit (is that a real saying Vanessa?!), from extremely personal and serious topics about why they have chosen not to have children, from extremely silly and fun topics, and everything in between. The podcast can make you laugh, cry, and see things in a different light. I heard your recent episode that you are not feeling as connected to your podcast listeners, which is what prompted me to write this review. Please don’t stop. You guys are doing amazing work and you are touching more lives that you probably realize. Keep it up, we will keep listening. The way that you both show up authentically and vulnerably does not go unnoticed ❤️

I love listening to your podcast, it make me feel like I’m not alone going through relationship issues or challenges. And there’s something so calming and relaxing about listening to your podcast, like talking to a close friend

Vanessa and Xander, your podcast is one of a kind and so needed. Thank you for normalizing normal things that we as a society have come to see/position as not normal. Stay encouraged. You are doing great!

Xander is so long winded and speaks about 90% of the time. It’s very difficult for me to listen. I can’t handle his incessant talking without any normal breaks for engagement with Vanessa, the actual expert. Please have a buzzer. He gets 2.5 minutes of ramble before getting buzzed and then we can hear from Vanessa.

I love how real this podcast is about relationship issues and intimacy issues. I’ve gotten so many tips that have helped my sex life with my husband of 10 years.

I’ve been a listener for months, maybe a year, and just keep coming back. So practical and also so fun. Vanessa and Xander banter so well back and forth they keep even tough topics light and fun, yet provide valuable insight. Just listen, you won’t regret it!

I love this podcast! It’s so encouraging and helpful and also entertaining! I loved the episode A brutally honest relationship check in- refreshing to hear your honest and real experiences and the things you struggle with as a couple! Normalizing that relationships aren’t going to be perfect and there are always things to work on and grow from is so important!

This podcast has great insights, tips, and education, and is made so relatable by Vanessa and Xander. Thank you both for being so vulnerable, without that this podcast would not be as amazing. I am a women’s health nurse practitioner and I have been recommending your podcast to patients struggling with libido or with any interest in improving their sex life. It’s really been a valuable resource! Also I have really enjoyed the episodes where you talk about your relationship. I appreciate how real you are with each other, and your sense of humor. I wish we could hang out in real life!!

Truly a listen for everyone. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you will certainly learn something new on every episode. Listening to Vanessa and Xander brings me so much joy and laughter. They also have wonderful dialogue about more complicated issues. I loved their episode about being brutally honest in their relationship and business life, especially the conversation about being a people pleaser. This podcast brings me so much joy, I hope you give it a listen, I know you will love it! Thanks Vanessa and Xander!!

I love hearing about your relationship. I feel like it has helped to normalize many things for me that I wasn’t sure were “normal” in my long term relationship. Thanks for all you do!

The tips and tricks and insight they give is great, however it seems like they push ads and their guides way to much to the point where you don’t get much of tips and insight anymore

I’m so glad I found this podcast. THANK YOU for doing what you do, Vanessa & Xander, and taking the time and energy to do it, and for be so vulnerable and open with your audience as well. I feel seen and that I’m not alone or weird with my issues or questions. I’ve listened to so many of your podcasts, have your book and I really appreciate the additional resources and guides you offer through your business. Keep up your great work ❤️‍🔥

Thank you so much for all of the work you put into this podcast. It’s so helpful to hear about the personal ups, downs, struggles, challenges, and joys that you have in your own relationship - it helps to normalize that life isn’t as perfect as most Instagram reels have you believe. I also love the inputs and evaluations you guys share with questions that others ask you, or the polls you share on Instagram. Thank you for all that you do, and the honesty and integrity with which you do this show! It’s helped me to understand my own self and relationship better. Forever grateful!

I just listened to the episode about how your relationship is going and I think it was my favorite. My boyfriend and I have an extremely healthy relationship and hearing other couples speak live about how their relationship is doing and the things that they’re proud of and are working on feels very resonant to me. There aren’t many creators showing live what interpersonal communication with a partner can look like and it feels like couple friends who are actually on the same level as us. Thank you.

I’m in a new relationship at 53 years old, and it’s the healthiest of my life. I love listening to your episodes with my sweetie. We take away lots of creative tips and advice, and always have so much fun laughing along with the two of you. Thanks for what you do Vanessa and Xander! It’s a joy to witness your sweet love.❤️

I really enjoy this podcast and I gotta say the “unhinged” episodes are my favorites. My favorite podcasts are more casual with a few nuggets of info weaved in because life is heavy and I can’t feel like I’m in a course most days. Please keep it going! We’re listening 💕

The most impactful part of discovering this podcast is the safe space that’s created. I have related to more issues on here than I want to admit and it’s so refreshing to press play during my commute home and feel seen!!

Thank you for being REAL about what’s going on in your lives. It is comforting knowing people go through the same issues with their partner and there’s nothing wrong with you. 🤣 we struggle with some of the same issues.

I found you guys when I was searching for sex therapists to follow on Instagram (to get advice for my own relationship). After following for a few weeks, I unfollowed every single one except for you guys! You guys are TRULY the BEST!!! I feel like you’re speaking directly to me and my thoughts at least once in every episode I’ve listened to. You give such great advice, and definitely make me feel less alone. Please never stop doing what you’re doing!

Love this!

I am really grateful to Vanessa and Xander for providing this podcast along with all the materials. They make a really intimidating process of getting more comfortable talking about sex much more manageable. My wife and I have a long way to go, but we see a path to progress, and that really matters.

I spent 20+ years in a very sexually toxic relationship. I have struggled with sexual norms since divorcing. Vanessa and Xander’s banter and truthful takes have brought me not only laughter but validation of my decisions. Not only to walk away from that relationship but in my dating life and relationships since. I recommend this podcast to anyone who struggles with intimacy issues or who just needs to laugh! They are a bright spot in my day. 🤍🤍🤍

The first is Pillow Talks podcast with Xander and Vanessa. The second is ‘over-the-ear hearing protection with….built-in bluetooth 🤯. While my work took me away from my lovely wife and our pre teen kids for the last three months, I began exploring podcasts for the first time. I know it’s crazy to learn that I’ve never listened to podcasts until 2024! I specifically was looking for content that could help spice up🧂our sex life. Probably because I think about having sex with my wife a lot 😍 and always have. I was hoping to find some content that I could share with her to spur some conversations and see if we could add some more giddy up 🤠 in the bedroom. Our sex life hasn’t been bad during our 26 years together. In fact it’s the best I’ve ever had. But hey, I admit I’m easy to please and I’ve learned to work hard to make sure she gets pleased 😛😓. What’s changed is I wanted to turn my desire to explore, into action…😉with her. Discovering Pillow Talks podcasts with Xander and Venessa was exactly what I was looking for…and more. I would listen after work. During the day I had plenty of demolition work ahead of me so I went out to buy a new set of hearing protection. I saw on the shelf, a pair of over-the-ear protection with… built in blue tooth. I didn’t know they had such a thing 🤯. I was now able to binge on Pillow Talks podcasts while working all day and my coworkers had no idea why I was smiling and sometimes laughing🤪. When they asked I simply told them I was listening to podcasts about ‘marriage and relationships’😱. I wasn’t fibbing. While listening to V&X, I discovered they cover way more than just sex. Their topics delve into many areas of sex and…how our ‘out of the bedroom relationship’ is intertwined with our sex and our sex is, intertwined with our relationship. My wife and I have had our ebbs and flows in both areas as most couples do. However, over the years it seems our synchronization of these two areas became less frequent. In years past, she would find ways to express her desire to be more emotionally connected. With my ‘all consuming’ military career in full swing back then, I dismissed her hints because I had no interest in having to think about my own psychology and try to fix something at home that seemed to be working ‘ok’. Here we are three years after leaving the service and I’m sharing my discovery of Pillow Talks with my wife and she is fully on board. We each would highlight a couple episodes to listen to based on titles and later discuss them over the phone. My lodging arrangements could not guarantee my conversations wouldn’t be overheard. 🤫 We agreed this would be so much more productive and exciting to do when I’m home. 😍🥳 While home for a two week break, we would share a pair of earbuds while listing to pillow talks, with the kids in the car. Again 🤫 not ideal but that was where we found the time. What is ideal is we are both winning 🥰😛. I have found a way to meet her need for us to be more emotionally connected (and I am loving it too). We both feel better and are talking more about many things. This includes talking about sex, what we like, what we don’t like and what we are willing to try. These talks turn into action. More sex, more fun with sex…even after more than two decades together. Although we recognize it can be deeper and more complicated than just sex, we both want more out of our marriage. I think these podcasts can help us get there and the journey is fun. I’m confident the Pillow Talks podcasts can help many couples in similar ways. P.S. I bought The Ultimate Foreplay Guide package earlier this month. We have so much more to ‘talk about’ 😉 when I get home in a week 🥳. For us, the formula is easy. More talk leads us to…more action🤠😘😛.

My partner and I have been married for 11 years. We have a strong relationship and a fun, passionate, satisfying sex life. So far I have listened to only 3 of your episodes and your foreplay guide. The content has sparked deep, meaningful conversations, elevated our fun between the sheets, and inspired greater connection between us. I am leaving this review to say thank you, and in case others out there skim over your podcast thinking they already have a great relationship and great sex. Even if that’s true, Vanessa and Xander have so much to offer you!

One of the most important aspects of this podcast is the modeling that they do of a healthy partnership. They both bring strengths to the relationship and they show in the podcast how they celebrate and appreciate those strengths in each other.

I am a mental health therapist and I listen to these episodes on my drives home from work as a decompression time. It’s helpful for me as a clinician when facing certain topics with clients and it is helpful for me in my own relationship with my husband. We are parents to four young kids and are starting to reconnect again now that we are out of the baby phase. Your content has been so helpful for that! Lots of conversations have been started from these episodes and I look forward to listening each week! Thank you.

I’ve tried listening to other sex & relationship advice podcasts but none are like pillow talks with Vanessa & Xander ! I literally look forward to their weekly episodes and watch their Instagram stories on the daily! I love how real & authentic they are! If you’re contemplating listening in I highly advise giving an episode a try, because you’ll be hooked to find more to listen to after just one.

Vanessa & Xander are so insightful. As a male, it’s so helpful to get Vanessa’s perspective on things and Xanders bluntness is refreshing. Highly recommend to anyone looking to be more romantic or understanding of their partner!

I am navigating my first serious relationship while juggling college life, it felt like a rollercoaster, and I was desperately seeking guidance. Enter: Pillow Talks. This podcast quickly became my go-to resource for all things relationships, saving me from countless rookie mistakes. Each episode tackles real-world issues with genuine empathy and expert advice. Vanessa and Xander break down complex topics into relatable, easy-to-digest conversations. They blend personal anecdotes with professional insights, making each episode both informative and comforting. If you’re in your early 20s and new to the serious relationship scene, this podcast is a treasure trove of wisdom. It’s like having a wise friend who’s been through it all, guiding you through the highs and lows of all things love, sex, and relationships. Highly recommend! 🎙️❤️

They’re the best! So open and honest.

I’m so humble to have you two do this for all of us. This podcast is informative, fun, relatable and at time very spicy. You are a great couple thank you thank you! Keep doing pillow talks so I can keep pillow listening!! Love you both.

I learn so much from Vanessa and Xander and they always make me feel like I’m not alone in whatever thoughts or challenges I have when it comes to intimacy and relationships.