Vanessa and Xander have taught me so much about not only how to connect to my partner sexually but also emotionally. I have been a listener since close to day one and continue to grow and learn with and from them. My partner and I have benefited immensely from all the unique and relevant topics they candidly talk about and I will continue listening for as long as possible. Keep up the great work! Thank you!

Pillow Talks is an excellent and relatable podcast that covers mental, sexual, and relationship health topics which are critical for how much we get what we want out of life. 😍✌️🧠🧘‍♂️🥰 their episode about shame came right when i was working through my own exploration of my emotions and attitudes around sexuality and so many other aspects of life - and while i already thought i knew enough - they further enlightened me and helped me think about things from additional perspectives. 🎉 please give it a shot if ya want - see if you find it useful!👍❤️

I’m currently single, and also a divorcee, and in both my long term relationships my partner did not prioritize my sexual needs and or safety. This podcast gives me a lot of hope that I can have a better experience, because if Vanessa and Xander can have it, why not I? And because they’re giving me more tools and skills to make sure my needs will be met next time. Thank you for the amazing content!

This has been a great tool we’ve used for the past year to help our relationship grow and mature after 17 years of marriage. It’s a helpful podcast to listen to together or separately and then come back to discuss together (since my husband travels often) and it brings up a lot of topics we’ve never discussed before. We’ve learned a lot together since there’s a lot of topics we wouldn’t bring up on our own. Thank you for the honest chats and relatable content!

Love love love.

After 26 years of marriage, I stumbled across you guys. I feel like I’m drinking from a fire hose catching up with all the back episodes, but it is good. I love your work, and please don’t stop!

My marriage has been going through a tough stage for a couple years now. Between my (not until recently diagnosed) anxiety, job troubles, a renovation, move across the country just for our new home to flood and need a renovation and a pet loss I have been STRUGGLING. I’m bringing your tips into my relationship trying to heal the past but I’m also using them to reflect on my personal journey and how to not make the same mistakes over again. Between this and personal therapy I feel so much better in my skin and my ability to self soothe without picking a fight with the hubby. I love your episodes where you read listener stories and give your advice. I also love any episode where the two of you are unhinged. Keep it up!

Keep up the good advice and info.

The podcast is educational and fun. It helps open conversations with your spouse to difficult topics. One of my favorite episodes is when they talk about trying crazy positions suggested by the listeners and picturing Xander in weird position, while Vanessa is laughing uncontrollably has me ROFL. They come across as very genuine and educated. Love the show!

Growing up in Utah and in a religious culture, community and home- sex was something barely discussed and when it was, it was bare basics. In my late teens/ early twenties, I remember asking about different sex positions and being shamed and asked “are you wanting to be a porn star”😢🤦🏽‍♀️ Since then, I always felt dirty and wrong for having the desire to to learn more about sex and wanting to be good at it. BUT NOT ANYMORE because I found you two!! Thank you for the openness and normalization that you bring to the discussion of sex and the feelings of safety you create in the community! You are both incredible and you liven up my 40 min commute to and from work each day. Keep being your glorious selves and thank you again!

My title is cheesy, but this podcast is excellent. I wanted to learn about making sex in a relationship great, healthy, strong. Vanessa and Xander are genuine, smart, knowledgeable, fun and challenging, everything you want your podcast hosts to be. I have learned so much and had fun doing it. They have taken me from confused and doubtful about sex being anything but a conflict in a relationship to being equipped to make it a tremendous strength, know it’s important to talk about it, given me to tools and techniques I need to succeed. Listen to pillow talks! it’s my favorite podcast and I can’t recommend it more enthusiastically!

I found Vanessa and Xander around the time their first book was published and dove headfirst into the podcast with my husband. We would spend long car trips listening to and discussing the various topics covered on past episodes of the pod! We purchased the book “Sex Talks” and downloaded the accompanying workbook for a couples weekend away, where we completed the “Yes, No, Maybe” list and explored a few other products purchased that had been mentioned on podcast episodes! I have recommended the podcast and book to many friends over the past few years, but imagine my surprise when I was visiting my parents to find a copy of “Sex Talks” on their bedside table! They have been happily married for 50 years, and my Dad saw the book reviewed and wanted to check it out! Not only that, but when I mentioned the book and podcast to our couples therapist, she went out and bought a copy for her lending library and told me it was a perfect read for couples therapy homework! Vanessa and Xander provide relatable information and helpful tips. I love that they are working hard to normalize discussions around sex, making what once felt taboo, totally accessible to so many!

This episode was so validating and helpful. I really needed someone to voice the things that I have been struggling with.

This is one of my favorite podcasts! Vanessa and Xander discuss real life topics that many people might be embarrassed to talk about. It is very entertaining and educative. I would highly recommend you give this a listen! You won’t be disappointed!

I have been a long time listener, and a first time reviewer! I apologize it took me so long to write this. My relationship with my partner has not always been easy, but you guys have always validated the challenges and supported our improvement in communication. I have felt way more confident in expressing my needs and also more open to hearing my partner’s. We got the sweet and spicy challenge, and are so excited to get started in the new year. Much love always. I can’t thank you guys enough. 💙✨🥂

Thank you. I have sexual trauma and have been working on my shame and fear in therapy to help improve my relationship with sex and myself. I am with a wonderful partner of five years, and this podcast has been a helpful supplement to this journey I’m on because we can listen and work together, and I feel like I’m not on my own. As a mental health professional, I appreciate the evidence based and down to earth approach as well💙

I enjoyed the show, but it’s a little to in the middle for me, as I was a soldier for 30 years , I had a hard time relating to the ultimatum show , as my wife of 25 years gave me an ultimatum to get married and we did, sometimes people need to not be so wishy washy, we had 3 daughters and she died in 2015. Sometimes people need to be pushed and not cottled, but it’s a different insight that I enjoyed.

I highly recommend this podcast to couples in all stages of their relationships. We have listened to multiple different podcasts on intimate relationships, and we always come back to Pillowtalks. Very brief history: My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We endured multiple long distances—4 years of college with him on East coast and me in the Midwest. Then distance apart with Navy deployments over 25 year Naval career. At age 53 (me) and 54 (him), we experienced the ultimate unbearable tragedy: we lost two of our adult children (we have one living son now). All of these factors, and more, created depression and intimate communication struggles. I had significant difficulty enjoying sex and couldn’t have an orgasm without toys, almost ever. Since listening to your podcast (and we often listen to it together), our intimate (in and out of the bedroom)relationship and fulfillment has grown and improved so dramatically. We are healing more in all areas of our lives and I enjoy sex and can now orgasm with my husband —we use toys but use them together comfortably and in mutual enjoyment. Thank you for helping us with nothing else worked. Can’t thank you enough.

I first heard Vanessa on ArmChair expert and I was really curious to see what else she had to offer. I listened to Pillowtalks and was hooked! The dialogue, communication and honesty between Vanessa and Xander has really inspired and improved my relationship with my husband during a particularly difficult year. Thank you both so much for your content and all the work you do. You often help me get a good laugh in on my commute to work and I look forward to listening to your content every week.

I started listening to this podcast a few weeks ago and found them super helpful! After an interesting proposition at an event, I found myself spiraling with no one to talk to as I was processing. Cue - Searching the Pillow Talks archive. Thank you so much for talking so openly about such a variety of sexual topics! This podcast gives me tools to talk with my partner more openly and helps me feel less isolated in my thoughts and experiences.

From the start of our relationship, things were rocky… We were both virgins till marriage, so didn’t know anything about each others sex drive before..: And while it was a conversation prior to marriage.. we didn’t even know what we were into until trying. Your podcast and book is why we are still here, and continue to have hope. Thank you for all you do

I reached out to a FB moms group anonymously asking for help in the bedroom. After 18 years of marriage and our second child born last year.. it was bleak. Many recommended sexy underwear, more date nights but one fabulous woman said to follow Vanessa and Xander on Instagram. After dipping my toes in on instagram, to now signing up for multiple classes and finally bingeing all of your episodes - you’ve rocked my whole world! The treasure trove of knowledge both physically and mentally helped this mama (age 35) have her first orgasm and now I am feeling 15 years younger. Currently working on orgasming with my partner and have full confidence that we will be successful and even more synced together. THANK YOUx a million.

I love this podcast. Vanessa and Xander are so insightful and fun to listen to. I have learned so much about an important but often taboo and misunderstood subject. It has not only changed my relationship with my body but has normalized having these conversations. This is the Sex Ed class we all needed in high school. Thank you both!

I look forward to the new episode every week. These two are hilarious, helpful and relatable. Start listening!

A friend recommended this podcast to me. I jumped to the episode he recommended and was very intrigued. I went back to the first real episode (talking about sex) and the second (how to navigate unsolvable conflicts). I was FLOORED with how good they are at giving examples and how to apologize when you feel you’ve done NOTHING wrong.

I’ve learned so much from Vanessa and Xander! I feel More confident and prepared not only as an adult but as a parent and how to navigate a shame free discussion with my kiddos!

I stumbled across this podcast looking for something new. My husband is deployed and I wanted something to keep me company on walks. Vanessa and Xander are so personable and refreshingly honest. They answer questions I didn’t know I had. Can’t recommend this podcast enough. It’s like hearing advice from a wise, older friend.

I grew up in a pretty religious home, in a very conservative country, and definitely was not raised to have a healthy attitude about sex. In fact, it’s a subject we never ever talked about in the home. And in the particular country that I grew up in, there was no such thing as sex ed. Everything that was learned was through friends or the media. Being introduced to this podcast has been such an eye opener because it gives me a place to learn about normalized sex topics. I feel I have an healthier perspective towards sex, and letting go of the shame, secrecy, guilt, surrounding sex has become much easier. I wish the perspective that they share on this podcast can be more readily normalized, and it would definitely lead people to live happier lives. Thanks folks!

Heard V+X on a different podcast and have been listening ever since. The advice is so practical and fun to listen to. I used to listen on my headphones while putting my baby to bed but had to stop because I’d laugh out loud regularly and wake the baby… Certainly recommend for anyone who wants to enhance their relationship in an enjoyable way!

It’s wild how much time is spent selling on this podcast! I’m 30 minutes in & I have literally listened to 4-5 ads already, each a few minutes long. I had to pause the episode to come write this review because I was so annoyed.

Xander and Vanessa cover a variety of topics with humor and honesty, answering all the questions we’ve all wondered, but didn’t dare to ask (or Google!). Their book and courses are amazing as well. Thanks so much for all you do!

Great show. Practical advice you can use the same day!

This is the only podcast I listen to weekly! I love the back and forth banter between Vanessa and Xander. It’s refreshing to get both a male and female perspective on segs and relationships. Listening to this podcast has helped my husband and myself understand one on other on a deeper level and has helped us talk about topics that we normally would avoid. Thank you so much!

I am so thankful for Vanessa end Xander !!!! The work and vulnerability to provide us all with helpful info , tips , tricks is SO appreciated. This pod allows me to feel empowered and has initiated some great convos with my husband. We listen everytime we’re kid free in the car together! Congrats Xander on no more lisp LOL

I'm not an apple user but I went through the pain of getting iTunes just so I could leave this review because the podcast is just that great. I first was introduce to Vanessa & Xander through their book: Sex Talks. I enjoyed the book so much that I went looking for other resources from them and started binging this podcast. Interestingly enough, the book and this podcast I would say is not so much about sex than it is about relationships. It's helped me to understand that you need to have a good healthy relationship that includes discussions about sex before you can improve the physical act of sex. Even though I've listened to all the episodes, there are special ones that I know I'll listen to over again when I need a refresher on specific topics. I'm greateful for all the effort they put in to producing this podcast and I hope they'll forever continue doing so. After reading the book and listening to the podcast I feel as if I know like a pair of good friends and if it was under normal situations I totally could see being friends with them in real life.

6 months ago my therapist recommended I listen to a few of your podcast episodes. I was in a place where sex felt like a job to do because of my history of sexual abuse, background growing up in purity culture, and also being the more responsive sex type. After listening to your podcast for months, I can say I now feel like me and my partner have a fun, connecting, and satisfying sex life. I NEVER would have thought that was possible for me. You taught me that I could say no if I didn’t want sex, which then allowed me to actually want and enjoy the sex we did have. It sounds so simple, but I truly don’t think we would have made it here without your podcast. We are also now in a place of trying to get pregnant, and we are so thankful that now sex feels so much less complicated while we are in this process. Thank you Vanessa and Xander from the bottom of my heart ❤️

I have been following along with Vanessa and Xander for years. To be honest, I feel a little guilty that I have not written a podcast review until now, so here it is! Vanessa and Xander are incredible. Vanessa has this wonderful, warm, disarming way of talking about topics that can be very challenging for couples, and humans in general. It has been so fun to watch the podcast grow, with the addition of Xander. Xander, you rock! I feel like you don’t give yourself enough credit. I literally tell my friends that if you are human who likes other humans (regardless of sex, gender, relationship status) you should listen to this podcast. The topics of their podcast truly stretch stretch the gambit (is that a real saying Vanessa?!), from extremely personal and serious topics about why they have chosen not to have children, from extremely silly and fun topics, and everything in between. The podcast can make you laugh, cry, and see things in a different light. I heard your recent episode that you are not feeling as connected to your podcast listeners, which is what prompted me to write this review. Please don’t stop. You guys are doing amazing work and you are touching more lives that you probably realize. Keep it up, we will keep listening. The way that you both show up authentically and vulnerably does not go unnoticed ❤️

I love listening to your podcast, it make me feel like I’m not alone going through relationship issues or challenges. And there’s something so calming and relaxing about listening to your podcast, like talking to a close friend

Vanessa and Xander, your podcast is one of a kind and so needed. Thank you for normalizing normal things that we as a society have come to see/position as not normal. Stay encouraged. You are doing great!

Xander is so long winded and speaks about 90% of the time. It’s very difficult for me to listen. I can’t handle his incessant talking without any normal breaks for engagement with Vanessa, the actual expert. Please have a buzzer. He gets 2.5 minutes of ramble before getting buzzed and then we can hear from Vanessa.

I love how real this podcast is about relationship issues and intimacy issues. I’ve gotten so many tips that have helped my sex life with my husband of 10 years.

I’ve been a listener for months, maybe a year, and just keep coming back. So practical and also so fun. Vanessa and Xander banter so well back and forth they keep even tough topics light and fun, yet provide valuable insight. Just listen, you won’t regret it!

I love this podcast! It’s so encouraging and helpful and also entertaining! I loved the episode A brutally honest relationship check in- refreshing to hear your honest and real experiences and the things you struggle with as a couple! Normalizing that relationships aren’t going to be perfect and there are always things to work on and grow from is so important!

This podcast has great insights, tips, and education, and is made so relatable by Vanessa and Xander. Thank you both for being so vulnerable, without that this podcast would not be as amazing. I am a women’s health nurse practitioner and I have been recommending your podcast to patients struggling with libido or with any interest in improving their sex life. It’s really been a valuable resource! Also I have really enjoyed the episodes where you talk about your relationship. I appreciate how real you are with each other, and your sense of humor. I wish we could hang out in real life!!

Truly a listen for everyone. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you will certainly learn something new on every episode. Listening to Vanessa and Xander brings me so much joy and laughter. They also have wonderful dialogue about more complicated issues. I loved their episode about being brutally honest in their relationship and business life, especially the conversation about being a people pleaser. This podcast brings me so much joy, I hope you give it a listen, I know you will love it! Thanks Vanessa and Xander!!

I love hearing about your relationship. I feel like it has helped to normalize many things for me that I wasn’t sure were “normal” in my long term relationship. Thanks for all you do!

The tips and tricks and insight they give is great, however it seems like they push ads and their guides way to much to the point where you don’t get much of tips and insight anymore

I’m so glad I found this podcast. THANK YOU for doing what you do, Vanessa & Xander, and taking the time and energy to do it, and for be so vulnerable and open with your audience as well. I feel seen and that I’m not alone or weird with my issues or questions. I’ve listened to so many of your podcasts, have your book and I really appreciate the additional resources and guides you offer through your business. Keep up your great work ❤️‍🔥

Thank you so much for all of the work you put into this podcast. It’s so helpful to hear about the personal ups, downs, struggles, challenges, and joys that you have in your own relationship - it helps to normalize that life isn’t as perfect as most Instagram reels have you believe. I also love the inputs and evaluations you guys share with questions that others ask you, or the polls you share on Instagram. Thank you for all that you do, and the honesty and integrity with which you do this show! It’s helped me to understand my own self and relationship better. Forever grateful!

I just listened to the episode about how your relationship is going and I think it was my favorite. My boyfriend and I have an extremely healthy relationship and hearing other couples speak live about how their relationship is doing and the things that they’re proud of and are working on feels very resonant to me. There aren’t many creators showing live what interpersonal communication with a partner can look like and it feels like couple friends who are actually on the same level as us. Thank you.